This blog shows work prior to 2011. For new writing, click the link listed directly above.

This blog is an anonymous exchange of writing between adolescents in Fresno County and Butte County Juvenile Halls. Writing prompts are given to about 50 young people at each facility. Entries are hand picked, typed, posted to the blog, printed and exchanged as juveniles read, discuss, and process the writing.

Friday, July 30, 2010

July 30 Writing Exchange 2010


Entry #23
I have not done anything in here that I haven’t already done a thousand times. Time sits on my hands like a whale. I’ve come to know how painful a minute can be, and how unbearable each hour. Although I cannot make my understanding any clearer, I understand that time itself is nothing but emptiness, and that a person is not made for emptiness. Minute after minute, day after endless day I sit in my room. The whale lowers itself onto my hands, and I now come to know the long wait of my uncle.
I am a young man of many hopes and dreams. Whether they will come true or not, I cannot tell you. I am almost 18. Late in the night I sit in my room, thinking silently. Thinking about my family, the people I love so much, and the same people I fail to take into consideration when I’m out doing my dirt. When I’m out doing my thing I do not think about how much I will miss them while I’m in here. I wish I could take all the time I’ve spent in here and do it all over again with them instead. I miss them. I just want to go home.

Entry #24
I went to court and sat down in my seat. The D.A. said nothing, just extended my court date and that was that. As I walked off I caught a glimpse of my niece and thought to myself, “Wow! She’s growing up good, but without her uncle that she’ll never get to know.” Tears ran down my face.
And that was it. Back into the hall and my cell I went. With my rap sheet a mile high, rotting away while the time flies by.

Entry #25
The river of life flows rapidly. The waterfall of death falls gently. No one really wants to get to that waterfall, yet we all want out of the insane rapidness of the river. Is it possible there is a side route, leading to a gentle and inviting pond of well-being, happiness and serenity? To take a chance is the only way to find out. The side route is a possibility, but will it lead to the gentle pond you want? Or will it lead to an even closer, less gentle waterfall? Or maybe even another rapid river that takes much longer to reach that waterfall? There is only one way to find out.

Entry #26
I was a girl who thought I could never get into trouble.
I am now a girl sitting in ‘juvi’ thinking, “What happened?”
I will be a girl who learns from her mistakes.
I was a girl that was the apple of her family’s eyes.
I am now the girl that caught them all by surprise.
I will be the girl they have wanted me to be.
I was the girl who got only A’s and B’s.
I am now the girl never seen in her seat.
I will be the girl you wish you could be.
I was the girl doing nothing other than smoking weed.
I am now the girl as sober as can be.
I will be the girl clean and free.
I was the girl thinking, “How could this be?”
I am now the girl seeing that it was all for me.
I will be the girl I want to be!

Entry #27
I just want to run,
Run away from the pain.
I want to get out of this place,
and feel soft sprinkles of rain on my face.
I feel like I am alone,
with nobody on my side.
I just want to fly,
fly away to Cloud Nine.
I am scared, although I hide my fears.
I am sad, although I hide my tears.
I wanted to run,
but yet I stayed.
Now every chance I get,
I shove the world away.
And maybe, just maybe….
I have lost my will to change!

Entry #28
I am a minor sittin’ in the hall.
I wonder when I’ll be able to see them all.
When will I ever get out?
When will I be able to scream and shout?
I am a minor sittin’ in the hall,
because I couldn’t control my alcohol.
My stupidity landed me in this place.
Now I wonder when I’ll see their face.
I am a minor sittin’ in the hall.
The youngest one, of them all.
I’m only 14 and a newlywed,
wondering when I’ll be able to sleep in my own bed.
I am a minor sittin’ in the hall,
with no one out there for me to call.
I used to be that girl, so sweet and nice.
Now I’ve caught everyone by surprise.
I am a minor sittin’ in the hall.

Entry #29
I am alone. I feel like there is nothing for me in the world. I am alone. I lost everything I loved. I am alone. I lost my Dad, he is in jail and it’s my fault. I wish I had just listened to him. Then he would be with my Mom. I am alone. I lost my brothers and sisters. I have 5 brothers and four sisters and 7 of them are in foster care. My older sister is with my Mom; my older brother is in jail. I am alone. I am in ‘juvie’. I can’t help my brothers and sisters, I can’t see them. I am alone, my life sucks. I wish all of this shit never happened to my family. I am alone now, I have nothing to lose. I am alone.
Entry #30
I remember waiting and waiting but that day never came.
Sitting here at my home to claim.
I stare at the white walls but they put me to shame.
Start counting the bricks, then loose count and start again.
But all those bricks do my friend, is hold you back from messing up again.
As you get out, that comfort is gone, and you’re right back to doing wrong.
It is bad deeds, and smoking weed.
I do as I as I feel, feel as I do, but in the end it comes unglued.
I am right back to where I started, staring at the white walls.
They welcome me back home, lost but not gone.
As I am moving back into room 16 again.
The staff yell at me, what a failure.
I blow them off and get my time done.
Within my cell I hear cries; there the tears drop off my side.
I remember waiting and waiting.
Now it is up to my Mom to help me, I am only 15, learning to live.
To do the best I can.
It’s hard, but I can live, got 3 months in ‘juvi’, waiting and waiting.
Then probation will come to take me away,
But not to ‘juvi’, to home, family, and friends.

Entry #31
I was a kid when my Mom would hit me. Those were the worst days of my life. She’d beat me for no reason, just because I was a ‘bad’ child. To her I wasn’t her daughter that she loved and cared for. I was just another person taking up space. I wanted so bad to have her love. Deep down inside I knew that would never happen. She’d whoop me with belts, hangers, even the cord to the vacuum cleaner. She’d scream her head off talking about how crazy I am, saying I was the devil’s child.
Then one day after she beat me I told myself, “Never again will I let this happen to me.” From that point on, every time she would get that look on her face I’d run and hide all the belts I could find. I knew I was by myself, but what could I do about it? Crying at the age of 9 about my Mom beating the hell out of me wouldn’t solve anything.
I’m 15 now, locked up with an anger issue that is out of control and people wonder why I am like this. When you read this don’t feel bad. Just know that you’re not alone.

Entry #32
If you really knew me you would know that when I was born my Father abandoned me. My Mother gave legal guardianship of me to my Grandmother and when I was 12 my Mother tried coming back into my life. If you really knew me you would know that it’s a struggle every day to keep my life ok, there is no end to it, just another beginning. You would know that I’m the one who takes care of my family when it should be that we all take care of one another. You would know that the person who took care of me when I was a baby is now the person I take care of. You would know that I’m only 15 and I already try to fight for what is right. You would know that when I was 12 I was raped by my friend’s uncle and now it’s hard for me to trust guys. I go every day wondering if he is coming my way to do it again. You would know that it’s hard for me being in juvenile hall, missing my boyfriend. Every day, wondering if he is ok. Hoping and praying that when I get out he’ll be there. I don’t get along with the kids in here. I don’t care, all I care about is getting out.

Entry #33
I am all about self-preservation. I was only dealing drugs so I could put food in my stomach. I’ll be honest for once; it was the easiest way to maintain a constant high. I hate this place and at times I hate myself. Life is difficult; we all know this is true for most that are in a situation such as this. Life doesn’t have to be like this. Everything is based on perception. Negativity becomes like a magnet and draws more negativity. A little bit of positivity will get you a lot farther. Right now I have life, a family, food, blankets and a roof over my head. I am grateful. Happiness is found within myself. No one can give it to me. I just have to look.

Entry #34
I am only 16 years old. I’ve been going to court with the others for almost 5 months. My next court date is coming up and all I can think of is that it’s my first time being locked up and I’m going to do 25 already.

Entry #35
I was labeled bad before I did anything.
I am a kid pushed to my present condition.
I will be someone above the statistics.
I was committing crimes to fee the family.
I will be someone my family can be proud of.
I was just a kid trying to get by.
I am working for an education.
I will be self-sufficient.
I was what I was.
I am what I am.
I will be what nobody expected me to be.

Entry #36
I remember walking with my cousin, talking about what we were going to be when we grew up, and the next thing we knew a bunch of gang members ran up and we started fighting. They were trying to jump my cousin because he was in a gang. Soon my cousins on the ground with a bullet in his head. I got on my knees and held him in my lap and cried. I remember the cop’s sirens. A lot of things were going through my head. How long was I going to get in jail? I have a family to think about. What about my nephews? They’re going to be with one less uncle. Was I going to survive this?
Next thing I remember I had handcuffs on with cops surrounding me. I remember waking up in a cold cell thinking “What the hell?” I was surrounded by four walls with a blue door and a little window. Two months later I remember the look on my Mom’s face when I got out because they had found the person who killed my cousin.

Entry #37
I recall being kicked out onto the streets. That is when the life of a criminal started for me. I needed money for food, beer, pot, cigs, and pipes. I couldn’t find a job so I started asking people for money. I found out some people are nice and I found out that some people are scared of the homeless. In February I got my dog. He was 10 months old and as big as a Pit-bull. He was a mixed breed of German shepherd, Pit-bull, and Rottweiler. He kept me company. I’ll admit it was hard taking care of me, and a dog. Occasionally my friends would stay on the streets with me and help me out. I started to enjoy living on the streets because there was no curfew, no rules, and no limit to how much I smoked or drank. That’s when I got arrested and put into ‘juvie’. I was picked on and I hated my life. I regret what I did but I can’t change that now and I wish that I could. I wish I could re-start my life and make the best of it but that’s impossible. When I was on the street my grades went down and I am now below standard. I’m one of those people who don’t like to be caged up. I like to be free.

Entry #38
The Horrible Person
I’m 8 years old. My Mom got a new boyfriend 2 weeks ago and he’s already broken her nose. He hits me and my siblings. When we run to comfort our Mom he throws dishes at us. As he throws punches and objects at us my oldest sister shields us so we don’t get hurt. Soon, her nose is bleeding. Finally she tells my Mom, “This needs to stop!”
My Mom looks at my sister’s freshly bruised and bloody face and says: “That’s it!” She calls my uncle and minutes later he comes through the door to our rescue with our Dad. They hit him, and then hold him until the police come for him. Fear is over, pain is gone. We are free to embrace our Mother with love. We are a family again. We are rid of the horrible person.

Entry #39
I was lucky I had everything I needed.
A couple of years back I was young and conceited.
Until the day came, that my Mother was gone.
It will never be the same.
Why did you leave me? What did I do?
If it wasn’t for your alcohol I’d be sitting next to you.
I’m a wise guy now, and learn from other people’s mistakes.
Sometimes in reality, death is what it takes.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Summer 2010

Entry #1
I remember waking up in a cold room on the ground to my mom screaming and my brothers yelling. I walked in the next room and my dad was beating my mom. I remember my older brother got my dad in a headlock, socking my dad and the next thing I remember is my brother pulling a gun out and shooting my dad. Next, I remember standing over my dad and his last words to me: “I love you son.” I remember the look on my brother’s face after the cops arrested him.
Three months later I remember going to my brother’s court date and the judge sentencing him to 25 years with the possibility of getting out on parole in 10 with good behavior because he was protecting my mom. My mom fell to her knees saying, “No, don’t take my son away from me.”
Four months later, I got to talk to my brother for the first time. I remember him saying, “Keep your head up and be the man of the house.”

Entry #2
A Young Father

A young father struggling
Looking for an easy way out
On my first day of school I was tripping
To comfort me there was no one around
An innocent father with all hope gone
I find myself destroyed by drugs
Will I forget about my daughters because I’m destroyed by drugs?
I go to school and work
And face a new problem every single day
I learn about useless things in class everyday
But soon will I get myself together
I don’t even know that myself
Because it’s a struggle to survive and I’m feeling
Twisted in different zones of living everyday
My life is just like a boat I have to try and stay afloat
With the ups and downs there is no way I can tell if a wave of
Emotions will make me sink deep in a cold place where a heart can’t bear
I’m just a young father trapped in a place full of space
Struggling to live my life and make the best for my little girls

Entry #3
I used to be such an innocent girl: straight edge, great family relationships, and amazing friends. But something happened, something unlike me. Alcohol became my life. Day by day I began stealing bottle after bottle, getting as drunk as I could and putting myself in the worst situations. Breakfast, a beer. Lunch, a bottle. Night, who knows where I am or what I am doing? I’m wasted. School became my last priority. Mom and friends worried, telling me alcohol leads to drugs, but do I care? No. I’m the selfish user, now addicted to ecstasy, pawning stuff I used to value for the drugs I feel I need. Pill by pill, I
feel my brain going mad, but do I care about myself? I guess not. Cocaine crazy, but my body feels somewhat lazy. I snort some lines and feel divine; minutes later I want to commit a crime. Another 40 bucks down the drain, for a drug that can cause so much pain. My pretty face, turning into waste. My fate depends on these sins, but something inside me is nudging me to stop. I can’t stop. Drugs and Alcohol are all I’ve got. More and more, life’s starting to turn into a bore. Addictions got me hooked, whishing I could take a good look….at what this is turning me in to. What happened to that smart beautiful young girl? Drugs and alcohol are now her world.

Entry #4
I sit in a pool of emptiness and despair.
Everyday I wish for someone to come, but no one is there.
As I sit in my cell, in a puddle of tears,
I can do nothing but face my fears.
I’m alone on this journey and can’t accept any help.
For the only person to blame for this is myself.

Entry #5
I remember when I was seven. My dad was never there.
I remember when my dad came home from tweaking and just slept.
I remember when he would get up and be angry and beat me and my brother.
I remember when my mom came home and she would ask what happened. My dad always told us to say we were playing and fell and hit our face.
I remember when I had to take care of my brother because nobody else was there to do it.
I remember when me and my brother drank all of the Kool-Aid and my dad woke up and wanted some. He beat us both with the pitcher.
I remember when me and my brother were playing and I gave my brother a black eye and he went and told my dad. My dad got some rope and tied it to the tree and tried to hang me.
I remember my brother standing under me so I wouldn’t die and he stood there until somebody walking down the street got me of the rope. My dad said he was sorry, but I know he wasn’t. He told me not to tell my mom.
I remember when me and my brother found my dad’s dope stash. We told my mom. He thought it was my brother that told, so he tried to beat him. That’s when I told him it was me, so he hit me in the face and I fell to the ground. He tried to kick me, but I put my hands up and he broke my fingers and hands.

Entry #6

Running away
Is the thing I regret the most
Is the thing I chose to do?
Running away
Is the worst Thing I have ever done?
Running away
Can it get any worse than this?
Running away
Now I’m bad to the bone
Running away
Can my mom forgive me?
Now my family needs me
Running away
Now I have to sit in these six walls
Running away
These halls of hell
Running away
I need to get out
Running away
Can you help me now?
Running away

Entry #7
If I woke up and a miracle had happened in my life, it would have to be that I am not locked up anymore. I would go to sleep in juvenile hall and wake up seeing my bedroom not a cell. There would be the smell of breakfast in my nose and the sound of my little brother playing in the other room. I would feel warmth and happiness running through my body. It would have to be the nicest day of my life.

Entry #8
I remember April of 2009. That’s when my life had a dramatic change. I remember waking up still sick from all the pills I took the night before with four cops and a social worker telling me to grab what I can and that I would be placed in a foster home. The first thing that hit my mind was to run, but then they told me I was going away for just enough time to get off drugs and before I killed myself or hurt anybody else. I didn’t have a drug addiction like meth. I was addicted to the high of prescription medications. On a normal day I was taking up to 13 Norcos and then 10 Xanax at the end of the night just so I could go to sleep calmly and not feel the withdrawals through the night. I just didn’t understand why my mom had seen me in this situation for over a year and now wanted to do something about it.
I then went to a foster home where I stayed for two days before going on the run to Arizona to stay with a brother. I got tired of it after about a week of not having drug. I came back to California to live with my dad, where we just popped pills together. It led to both of us in a psych hospital for an OD. If no one would have seen us that next morning in the dining room and got the ambulance, we both would be dead now. When I finally got released, I went through 16 more placements, not counting running and sleeping under a walk path in the park just to stay out of the rain. My mom realized I didn’t want to help myself and gave up on me. Eventually, so did CPS. They then locked me up in April, where I will stay until my 18th birthday.
With the time I have been sober, I realized it’s nobodies fault but mine. Yeah, I still believe they could have tried to help me differently, but all that matters is I’m clean and clear headed. I just hope I can be as strong as I am now to keep the hatred for drugs and what they have done to me.

Entry #9
If you really knew me you would know that one day I decided to run from my group home. When I got back to my county, it was all fun and games and parties until one day I met my lady. She made my life do a 180. I stopped doing drugs and I stopped drinking. I was doing good and I even had a job and a place to stay. The thing is that after 3 ½ months of doing good, I forgot I ran from the group home and one day they finally caught me. I got locked up again. I was angry and sad at the same time, but I dealt with it. A couple of days later I call my girl and she has good news for me: she’s pregnant. That was the happiest day of my life. Than a month and a half later, I call her again and she has bad news for me. She had a miscarriage. When she told me I felt devastated. I didn’t know what to do. That was the saddest day of my life.

Entry #10
I remember the fights and the screams. So I would take off skating down the street. I remember the long nights with no sleep, with no electricity and no heat. I remember thick clouds of smoke and tons of little baggies filled with dope. It was like I was all alone, the only way to take the pain away was to get stoned. I wanted to just skate away and never look back. I never wanted to be around to face the facts. I hated my life and everybody around. I hated the way everything was going down. I hated my life and when I skated by everybody would stare. I knew exactly what they were thinking, “There goes the freak with the long hair.” But what they didn’t know is that it could’ve been over with one loud sound that carries through the air!

Entry #11
My Dad was the biggest impact in my life.
Before he passed away he wanted me to be a man and to take care of
My house and family when he was gone.
I feel like I failed him because I put my family through so much pain.
Look at me I’m locked up.
My mom is struggling out there.
He taught me everything I know today like how to drive, how to work on car’s, how to clean yards
He never gave up. He’s my motivation
Besides my mom, I just wish I could thank him for what he did for me and my family.

Entry #12
Dreams and Reality
In my dreams,
I have someone I can call my own,
But in reality, I am all alone.
In my dreams,
I can buy anything in the world, no matter the cost,
But in reality, I’m so confused and lost.
In my dreams,
I’m king of the stars,
But in reality, I’m just a criminal behind metal bars.

Entry #13
I remember when I was just a baby looking for the love my parents never gave me. I remember when my brother and the homies would get spun out in my room. I remember seeing them do shrooms. I remember looking up to my big brother. I remember him cussing at my mother. I remember seeing my brother tuck in guns. I remember seeing the cops take his freedom. I remember always trying to be like my big brother, even though his actions hurt my mother.
I remember when I was not so old; I remember the fist day that I stole. I remember getting arrested for the first time at 11. I kind of already knew I wasn’t going to heaven. I remember getting in trouble. I loved the feeling of being like my big brother. I remember getting jumped in. It was just over ten seconds.
My life has been nothing but trouble and stress. I think about dying. My life is such a mess. I’ve been locked up since 2009. I have been here for nine months. I guess that is just life.

Entry #14
I remember when I was eight. It was the first time I saw my dad. He just got out of prison after 9 years.
I remember when I was 9. It was the first time I told him I hated him.
I remember when I was 10. The judges told me I was like my dad.
I remember when I was 11 and all I could think about was, “I’m not like that punk.”
I remember when I was 12. The judge said my future was prison.
I remember when I was 13. The judge said, “I wish you luck in CYA.” Then he gave me 7 years.
Only if they really knew who I was. Only if they gave me the attention I’ve always wanted. I would never be here.
I remember when I grew up and said, “I love my father.” From that day my life came together.

Entry #15
Since the day I was pushed from the womb, I have been destined for the pen. My father was on the run for over 12 felonies and all my aunts and my uncle were in jail for murder…even my grandma. I got jumped into a gang when I was eight and since that day, I just pushed myself closer to the gates of high dessert with my grandpa. Even though she smokes dope, I hate what I have done to my mother. I hate the fact that my little brother and all his friends rep stuff that got me shot at and five of my friends removed from the turf. I hate that my daughter is growing up and I’m locked up for banging, hoping one day I could have the most tattoos or the most respect, the most connections, but in reality all I was doing is walking towards the gates of San Quinton. I try my hardest to change, but I feel it’s too late. I hope that if someone can get a message from this that you see if you love freedom, if you really love your life, that you won’t do what I did, because this really is not the life you see.

Entry #16
I remember when I went to court and the judge called me a threat to society.
I remember my parent’s crying when I looked into their eyes.
I can still see the disappointment but when they talked to me I saw they still loved me.
I remember the six of us sitting in court.
If you knew me, you would be mad at me for being locked up.
I remember seeing tears in my big bro’s eyes.
If you really knew me you would know I’m going to CYA.
I’m just sitting and waiting in the hall till I get transferred.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to it.
I’m just striving to survive, just to see my family and girl one more time.
I’m just wondering if I’ll ever get out.

Entry #17
If you really knew me you would say that I was a young dumb girl.
If you really knew me you would say that I was just happy all the time.
If you really knew me you would say that I was heartless.
If you really knew me you would say I was angry.
If you really knew me you would say I was violent.
If you really knew me you would say I was jealous.
If you really knew me you would say that I was a person who loved to drink.
If you really knew me you would say that I was a person that loved to smoke weed.
If you really knew me you would say that I do meth just because.
If you really knew me you would say I smile a lot.
If you really knew me you would KNOW that I'm just a scared girl.
If you really knew me you would KNOW that being happy & loud is the only way I know how to cover my scars.
If you really knew me you would KNOW that I was taught not to show emotions.
If you really knew me you would KNOW that I’m violent because that’s the only way I know how to fight back.
If you really knew me you would KNOW that I’m jealous because I’m afraid to lose another person.
If you really knew me you would KNOW I love to drink because truly I’m an alcoholic & that’s the only way I express myself.
If you really knew me you would know that I love to smoke weed because truly I’m a pot head and it’s the only way I know how to calm down.
If you really knew me you would KNOW that I do meth not just because, I do it to hit or forget reality.
If you really knew me you would KNOW that I’m just a sad, insecure, lost, young girl in this world!

Entry #18
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. I guess you could say that I am for lack of a better word, insane. I have been catching felonies for the last two years, over and over again. At least I can say I’m consistent. They tell me drugs are my problem, so I get clean. I stay clean for a couple of months and then I get stuck with another felony and I’m sitting in the hall again, like, “What the ****.” I like to think I’m an accountable person. I know that I’ve made quite a few poor decisions and to be honest, I see no end in sight. I feel that I am prison bound. But I am not prison material. I have the will and the strength to get off this self destructive path, but I have no idea where to go after that. Part of me wants to say screw it and get high on any and every substance I can find. In the back of my mind, I know that if I did that I will be worse off than I am now. I just want to be rid of all of this. They say there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, well, I don’t even know where the damn tunnel is. Confusion is an everyday thing for me. For now I will play it by ear…. things can only get better…what does not break you will only make you stronger.

Entry #19
A young soul, wondering on this earth as you are too.
Looking for answers for my life now, my life then, and what is to come when death arrives.
I don’t remember my first day of school, but I remember feeling as if I didn’t belong.
To comfort me I had sleep, because in sleep I had no boundaries, no fear, no one to judge or hurt me, and my mind and soul could wonder freely hand in hand.
An innocent soul turning to drugs to find some kind of release outside of sleep, and in the end, I spiraled down and I lost myself.
I found myself in sobriety because I could no longer hide from myself, my feelings and the world.
An Innocent girl longing for acceptance
Will I forget the pain?
The pain I caused? The pain I received.
I go to a special place to escape, but no longer in drugs, but in art and music, escape from all the painful thoughts that still conquer my mind.
I go to escape to a place where I am surrounded by euphoria and meet my soul again, and regain who I am and who I once was.
I learn about myself, my morals, and why I did the things that I did.
Now comes the time to forgive and forget, to be forgiven and love myself and others.

Entry #20
I remember that first hit of dope. That is the day I ruined my life. At first I loved it. It was my everything. It made me feel good, powerful, and on top of the world. Who would have thought I’d end up the way I did. I’d stay up for long periods at a time. I’d start hallucinating not knowing what to do with myself, but you see that didn’t stop me. I became a liar, cheater, and a thief. I’d steal from friends. I’d lie to my mom and run from probation. I did not give a damn about how I made you feel, I only cared about the pipe. At the end it got me nowhere, but locked up. Now I’m sitting here in the hall regretting everything I did, but what good does that do me. I’m only a kid.

Entry #21
If you really knew me………
If you really knew me….you’d know my birthday.
If you really knew me….you’d know my actions.
If you really knew me….you’d love me for me.
If you really knew me….you’d know my situation.
If you really knew me….you’d be there for me.
If you really knew me….you’d know my likes and dislikes.
If you really knew me….you’d write me.
If you really knew me….you’d see what I see.
If you really knew me….you’d know how much I like to hear I love you.
If you really knew me….you’d know that I love you.
If you really knew me….you’d care for me.
If you really knew me….you’d know my middle name.
If you really knew me….you’d know I was addicted to drugs.
If you really knew me….you’d know who I was.
If you really knew me….you’d know the real me.

Entry #22
The Canary’s Song
Oh, sweet, little, yellow, song bird.
Oh, how I wish I could see you perched on my window sill once more.
Oh, to hear you’re soft, angelic voice again.
Oh, how I miss you truly.
Oh, how I miss your stories of faraway lands.
Oh, sweet, little, yellow, song bird.
Oh, how to hear you sing of freedom, life, and love.
Oh, how sorrowful it is to know your fate.
Oh, how shall I punish that fat, little Calico cat?